How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
