so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
