He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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