my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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