wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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