I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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