Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
