a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
my liver is dry heaving
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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