8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
