mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
