Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
