the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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