after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
