My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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