My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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