Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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