She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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