Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
