Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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