this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
