Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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