she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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