I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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