Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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