I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
