hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
3 2 1 whiskey
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
