trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
