Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
