y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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