but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
