Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
