She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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