if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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