the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
