im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
