hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize