My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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