Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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