I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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