Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
