Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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