So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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