Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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