I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
