beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
