new low.... made out with someone while peeing
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
