Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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