Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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