If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
