out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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