it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
