he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
