she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
