remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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