She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
