my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
