so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
