My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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