i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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