My first STD was from a foam party
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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