The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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