Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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