Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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