I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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