it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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