love makes seman taste better
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This house was built for laser tag.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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